Your First Therapy Session, Pt. 2: Watching for Red Flags
In our last post, Your First Therapy Session, Pt. 1: The Nuts and Bolts, we discussed a few of the nitty-gritty details regarding what your first session might be like. Now that we got that out of the way, let's talk about the red flags and gut feelings that might make you have second-thoughts about your new therapist after your first session.
1) Your Therapist Acts Impatient or Time-Pressured
Your intake session with a therapist should generally last from 50-90 minutes. Now, there's a lot of information to gathering that first time, but a good therapist should have the ability to balance casual conversation, clinical interviewing, and general good manners. While the therapist does have to guide the conversation to certain topics at times, you should never feel cut-off, rushed, run-over, or generally disrespected during the conversation. Likewise, a therapist has a responsibility to be the time-keeper for the session, but they should never make you feel pressured with every second that ticks by. If they do, maybe start reconsidering whether this is the right relationship for you.
2) They Act Offended If You Ask Questions
A good therapist should be open to pretty much any question you can ask about diagnosis, treatment, their background and many other questions. Questions such as the following are very common:
Do you take my insurance?
What are your fees?
What will therapy look like?
Do you have experience in treating my issue?
What is your educational background? What classes did you take?
What are you (the therapist) like as a person? Can I hear a little bit about you?
These questions are pretty standard for the field, and a therapist should be willing to answer them openly and honestly with very little issue. If they act offended or get very flustered, you might want to thinking about seeking services elsewhere.
That said, there are some topics and questions that may be so intimate that a therapist would not want to answer them, and it may be against good clinical judgment to do so. If a client is seeking treatment for an issue of marital infidelity, a question such as "Have you (the therapist) ever cheated in your relationship?" might be too personal. You can still ask, but try not to take it personally if your therapist redirects you to another topic.
3) Your Therapist Doesn't Really Pay Attention
A therapist who is a good fit for you should be able to give you their focus. In the therapy room, there are usually very few distractions. You have paid well for their time and should expect to have their undivided attention most of the time. If your therapist is distracted by the internet, interrupting phone calls, or general daydreaming, feel free to speak up and ask them to stop. If they don't, it might be time to move on.
4) They Generally Make You Feel Uncomfortable
Ideally, you should get a good "feel" from your therapist. You should generally feel relaxed around them and accepted by them.
In less than ideal situations, a therapist may make you feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. It might be the way they look at you, a tone of voice they use, the way they provide feedback, or just a strong general feeling. As always, you should feel welcome to discuss these issues with a therapist and make changes, but if you feel like that's not feasible, it could be that it's just not the right treatment relationship for you.
5) You're Just Not Feeling It
All of the above are valid reasons for reconsidering whether your relationship with a therapist is right for you. However, sometimes the therapist doesn't do anything wrong at all, and you still just don't feel right about it. And that's ok.
A treatment relationship is a little similar to other relationship in your life. There has to be a good "treatment chemistry" there that facilities respect, acceptance, calm, and trust. It may be that you're a great client and they're a great therapist, but it still just doesn't quite add up for you guys. If that happens, it's best to simply name the elephant in the room and discuss it openly. You may find that your therapist is very accepting of this answer and even offers to help you find someone new to work with that is an even better fit.
I hope this list has helped clarify some of the things you should look for in a good therapist/client relationship. Above all, I hope you feel free to communicate openly, ask questions, and find the fit that is right for you.
See you next time!